By: Victorious

Victorious — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 10:41:17 +0000

Thank you for what you have written, reading others stories really helps me, I have left a cult over a year ago, its a different cult to you, but all cults act in the same manner, with different trigger words. I am the only one to leave of my family, I was born into it and all my family is still there. I love my family and friends there so so much, and it broke my heart to be cut off from them, and still breaks my heart, its like I died and yet I am still alive. When I left, I had no where to live that was safe for me, until a work friend said I could live with her, as I had to come to realize being in a cult is abuse, its just so confusing (as I couldn’t see it was abuse) So confusing. Its like your life is in the Matrix and you chose the red pill…all those words Morpheus says to Neo all are true in my life. I think I was leaving for a few years, I never thought I would as I was so good, but I was slowly dying and I was 30 with no hope for a future. I feel its God’s mercy on my life. God just loves us so much and I am the first to say I struggle with going to a church! I have to make decisions for the rest of my life even in the next month, and its so hard, as I had leaders making my decisions and was told it was disobedient not to follow every decision (disobedient is the worst you can be and there are consequences according to them that mess with your mind! Mind control classic). I love my family and old friends, and yet I am cut off. Reading sites like this is really helpful. Your reaction is normal, I cant go to churches often, I want to, but I struggle with it, God had to reveal that he is just so full of love (and not deeds and that leaving is good) being in the cult was killing me. I at 30 was dying with nothing to live for, single, dictated to, no capacity to own my life in there. This is one of those things that unless you go through it (people just dont understand) and then being with people who have been through it causes just as much grief, its like reopening a would constantly. Letting go causes grief, there have been times I just grieve on the side of the road pulled over driving to work. Grief is incredible. So, I know God is full of love to have me out of it. But what a cost. Now to make major decisions, how do I do that? I have been asked to marry a man who lives (english speaking) country, but will be changing countries if I say yes, thats tough too!!! All my ideals are totally being crushed in terms of a wedding, if its to go ahead, then none of my family celebrate? Pain. Anyway, I am just letting grief out even by talking here, so thanks for the opportunity, your fortunate, I always thought my life (even pre cult) would make a great movie

Comments on: Kristy on stepping back, slowing down, and finding peace.

By: Victorious